Hair Nightmares: Relaxers

This week we have Nadirah Angail “On the Realization that Relaxers Are Not For Me”

They say, "Mama knows best." I believe that now, but I was skeptical back then. That's why I begged for a perm. I was persistent with my question, but she was consistent with her answer.

Years went by. No perm.

Then, it happened.

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Hair Nightmares from All Things Cute and Girly: Growing & Learning

This edition of Hair Nightmares is coming to you all from Chellsea at All Things Cute and Girly.

WARNING: You will see pictures of my daughter's head looking a hot mess due to me not knowing ANYTHING about caring for curly hair. I am embarrassed and ashamed! But I am pleased to show how much of a difference hair blogs have helped changed our life! Sorry for the quality of the photos..its all from my phone.

My hair nightmare with my daughter began once it changed in texture and started to grow. As a baby, she had straight hair and I thought wow, this will be easy! When I was pregnant I always wondered how my daughter's hair would turn out with her being Filipino and African American.
Here are some photos her hair growing:

I always felt like her hair "grew up" and not down..I didn't know what to do! It was always so knotted and tangled that I would dread trying to brush it out. I didn't know anything about hair, let alone hair that was different from mine! It all began when she was around six or seven months when her hair started growing. I had no knowledge of how to care or style her hair at all. I was told from different people to “use baby oil”, “don't use baby oil”, “don't use water”, “grease her hair” ..on and on and on. I didn't know what to do! It seemed like every product I put into her hair would soak up and leave it drier than it was before. Most products I used contained mineral oil and petroleum/petrolatum. Her hair would feel so coarse and
knotted and I felt like it never grew. Her only style was pretty much a ponytail slapped on top of her head.
These are her famous hair dos back then:

I would just put them into a ponytail on top of her head. I also believe one of the photos shows how much tension was put onto the hair always being in ponytails for a long period of time which caused breakage. Eventually, I became really frustrated and last year around August when my daughter was 19m, I decided to look online for anything having to do with "mixed/biracial haircare, hair style, products etc". I honestly don't remember what I typed into Google but up came Happy Girl Hair! I was so obsessed with the site. I browsed the blog for hours looking at all the great information and hairstyles. I learned about all the no-no ingredients like mineral oil and petroleum (like I had been using!) a few hair products to try, the basic hair products I needed to begin with and hairstyle ideas.Now, just because I saw all these hairstyles it didn't mean I knew how to do them right away. I had no idea how to cornrow AT ALL here's a few examples to show you how horrible I was:

For some reason my cornrows always came out different and would even be really skinny. My first "mohawk" was done while she slept and I was really proud of it! Most of the time, though, I just experimented and was way to cautious of having her wear them out in public lol. I had my days. Some days I would style good and others my hands would just not work with me! From Happy Girl Hair I found the talented mommies of Beads, Braids and Beyond and Princess Hairstyles. One of the first few hairstyles I was really able to copy and did often was the veil look (sorry I have no decent photo of it). I kept practicing, reading, practicing, watched videos on YouTube, oh, and practicing! That was it and the rest as they say is history. I’m not the best stylist but I know for a fact I have come a long, long way and improved. Thanks to blogs like HGH, BBB and Untrained Hair Mom, this was all possible.

I recently improved during BBB Protective Style Challenge. I did many styles I never even knew I was capable of. It also benefited my daughter's hair in many, many ways. Now, 10m later at almost 2 1/2 yrs old LOVING her hair! Here are a few styles I have been able to do and some photos of her hair out:

I wanted to share this for all the mommies out there just beginning because I KNOW how frustrating it feels. I don't want to sound like an infomercial but - It does happen! It can happen! You can style your kid's hair and have it grow and look beautiful and healthy! Its all about trial and error. Finding out what works and what doesn't work. I learned to stop comparing my daughter's hair to others. I learned that just because one product worked for someone it doesn't mean it would work for us. I learned to NOT care what people thought about her hair. And most of all I learned and taught my daughter to love her hair!

 
Do you have any “hair nightmares” you would like advice, information or tips on? Would you like to share your story in hopes of reaching out and inspiring others? Please email me at untrainedhairmom at gmail dot com

Hair Nightmares

As parents we want our children to be happy and healthy, we want what is best for our kids, but sometimes situations arise and we are at a loss as to what to do. We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. We all need guidance and resources at some point. I strive to provide guidance when it comes to hair care through information, stories, tips, and how to’s. A mother recently came to me for some advice on her daughters’ relaxed hair, I asked for permission to share her story on the blog, in hopes of reaching out to others who have problems with their children and their hair.

My willful daughter, Patrice, is 9 years old. She is one feisty, fiery red-head! We have hair nightmares!  She is so stubborn! She also has ADHD and Anxiety so she is super impulsive (cuts her own hair when she is bored) and worries nonstop about how she looks (even though she does silly stuff like cut her own hair!) When she was a toddler she would let me comb her hair out and braid it or twist it.

Then she got older and started screaming and wiggling so much that I couldn't hold her still enough to do anything. Her hair was so course that I couldn't even get a comb through it. She was miserable. She hated her hair and begged to have straight hair. I read so many books to her about natural hair, tried to help her say "I love my Hair." We got picture books full of styles she could choose from, but she still just couldn't stand to look at herself. Our stylist is white with mixed kids and she trained under a black stylist. When they decided Patrice was old enough, they relaxed her hair. She hasn't been natural ever since. She was 6 years old, when she got her first relaxer.

Now she is in a stage of freaking out any time I try to do anything to her hair. She won't let me help brush it, she won't let me put any product in it. She's been seeing a lot of breakage as a result. We are just starting to get to a point where she's letting me put some "slimy stuff" (as she calls it) in her hair again because I keep telling her that if she doesn't she won't have any hair left! She has an answer for that too--she says, "I'll just cut it all off then and start growing my 'fro back!"

Just last month I told our stylist that Patrice was talking about going back to natural. I need to look into options on how to make the transition go smoothly. I ordered all of the products you posted on your blog for after-swimming care and if she doesn't let me put them in this summer, she might not have any relaxed hair left--it will all just break off and we can start over. That's not how she wants to look, but it is what will happen if she doesn't let me help her take care of her hair. Our bee mine luscious moisturizer just came in the mail yesterday. We also got her a satin pillow case since she refuses to sleep in a cap. She loves the pillow now and there was a difference in her hair right away--fewer knots! She says she is sure she wants to go back to natural, so I'll be looking for more info.

 

I want to sincerely thank Jen for sharing her daughters hair story with us all. Is there anyone out there with a similar story? Can you provide any information, links, or tips for making the transition from relaxed to natural? Any advice to ensure that Patrice will stick to her decision to go back to natural and start to love and embrace her curls? Any tips for making hair time more enjoyable? Please add your comments below!

 

Do you have any “hair nightmares” you would like advice, information or tips on? Would you like to share your story in hopes of reaching out and inspiring others? Please email me at untrainedhairmom at gmail dot com

 

 

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